Living in Faith

Today has been the day that I have been waiting for a very long time. The day to finally see an endocrinologist. I had so many expectations for today. I arrive to the place of my appointment and sit there waiting for a good 30 minutes to go back. I wasn't bothered too much by it, since my nerves were on high. I finally get called back just to wait another 15 minutes...still not really bothering me. In comes the doctor, my heart begins to beat like crazy. After waiting a good 45 minutes for my appointment to start, we spoke for only about 10 minutes.

The doctor doesn't have any desire or care to hear what I have to say. She insists "every woman complains of these issues." She also says stress is causing my hair to fall out as much as it is. It was right then, that I couldn't handle letting her put me down any longer. I then said, "I don't know what 10-year-old has stress, but I have been dealing with these issues since I was a little girl." Her response was surprised, perhaps even intrigued. It was then that she wrote me an order to take a few tests. At first, my thought was, more tests...tests that prove inaccuracy. But then I felt calmed, maybe this is what God really wants for me. As I finally left my appointment, I felt defeated. I felt completely stupid and like I was seen as a joke. I felt confused as if I should believe and trust the results from the homeopathic doctor or if I should trust this doctor? Everything started getting blurry and fuzzy. It's so easy to have these negative feelings to flood in and then I stopped as tears consistently rolled down my face. I told myself to remember the purpose that I decided to even start my blog. The purpose to empower and uplift women. To be that hint of positivity that they need when the world just gives them darkness and bitterness. The purpose of living in faith.

It's easier said than done, especially if it's someone else who is suffering and not you. But I realized I must live in faith through this experience. Even though it hurts and I want to scream and cry. I need to place my faith in our Lord. He is the only one that will guide me through this. He is the one who will help me. He is the one who will love me unconditionally, even if I never find answers. He is the one I need to place all of my fears and faith in. I have not given up. I have only become stronger because of this. I will not stop searching for my answers unless God asks me to. I will be going in to get my labs done tomorrow. I am more determined than ever to be heard. I may also be searching for another opinion, because I feel it truly in my heart that something is not right. And it is my job to live my life in the most healthiest way I can. My husband and Aiden depend on me and I will never give up on this fight.

If you can relate or know someone who is battling this, please share this story with them. They need to hear that someone believes in them even if their doctor doesn't. They need to know not to give up and throw in the towel. They need to feel empowered and feel like they can overcome anything with God on their side.

-Becky